Faith Discovery Week 1 - Faith Sisters Scrapbooking Gallery

There is not enough room to journal Maycie's impact on my faith.

1. She is the second of two children I was never supposed to have.

2. She was very specific in the timeline in a conversation I had with God on my personal ministry and He was faithful before it even dawned on me of the timing a few days after I received the call I mention in my journaling here.

3. This picture was taken in a photo session just days before she was hospitalized while we were on a trip out of town. God was faithful and blessed us through those very difficult four days last July. However, I spent most of it curled up in a ball in the corner of her room on the cold, hard hospital floor feeling very alone, confused, abandoned and disappointment in a particular group of people that I thought loved Maycie - never cared enough to check on her then or in the days following once we got home. No phone calls, cards, email, etc. with the exception of a small number of people I can count on one hand.

I am still struggling with this particular fact today. I have had to re-live it this week as I struggle to explain what I am still dealing with. I normally don't hang on to pain for so long. I'm quick to work through it and let it go and be done with it - and take on the lessons learned. I know that I did rely on God and He filled in the gaps with others in unexpected places and groups of people... However, I am left with serious doubt about those who disappointed me and pain... I can forgive and I have; but the pain and the memory still linger on. I am now guarded and lack trust where I once felt safe, loved, secure...

It has changed me as a person to my very core.

People close to me don't understand - though I am thankful they are being very patient with me and trying to understand.

And it is through this process that I now am beginning to understand that another step / leap of faith is not too far ahead of me and I need to be ready to take it.

Faith is a process that builds, strengthens, and rewards. But it does not often come with out pain, struggle, frustration, and disappointment in the process. I have learned to embrace the entire process knowing I have a reward for my faith in the journey that waits for me ahead.