lynn2
Registered: January 2008
Posts: 91
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Journalling:
When Michael was diagnosed with cancer and steadily declined, I prayed and prayed. I claimed the verses that say "this sickness is not unto death, but in order to give glory to God..." But – on 12/28/05, my brother died. At first, I was angry at everything, including God... I didn't understand… “Why my brother? He was good. He was kind. Why him?” Now, looking back, I realize that in the beginning of this journey, I was not trusting God with all my heart… I was leaning on my own understanding, and all I understood was that I was hurting.
God has a way of changing your heart though. I was able to realize that part of my struggle was balancing the overwhelming grief and the deep sorrow that I felt versus my core beliefs about God and who He is. I questioned myself… "How can I say that I trust in Christ, but still feel so bad?" One of my friends pointed out the story of Lazarus. It really spoke to my heart. In the story, Lazarus is sick and his sisters sent word to Jesus to come. When Jesus arrived several days later, one of the sisters met him on the road and told him that Lazarus was dead. She told him that if he would’ve come sooner, Lazarus wouldn't have died. (sounds like a touch of anger to me.. ) You know what He did? He cried. He felt the sorrow. He felt compassion for that sister. He had all the power to heal Lazarus, but yet, he also felt the grief. Feeling that pain didn’t stop Jesus from trusting in God. He did both. In the end, he did use His power to save Lazarus, but not before feeling the sting of death. So – He let me off the hook. His word told me that feeling sorrow and grief was a part of death, but that it doesn’t make me less of Christian. It means that I can feel grief for my brother, but, even then, I can still trust Him.
I know that everything happens according to His plan.
God doesn’t make mistakes.
In that, I have complete trust.
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